Skip to content

What men need part 5

5. Be His Playmate 

Find activities that you doing enjoy together. Whether active, interesting, or creative, find hobbies that you are both excited about. This is more than just “going along” with him on a fishing trip, or having him sit on the bench in the mall while you shop your heart out. Spending time together doing activities you both enjoy is something that will fill him up. 

This is especially important to make time for once you have started having children. If you cannot maintain a playful friendship as you also learn to parent, you may find it a struggle to remember what you had in common 20 years later after the kids have all moved out. You don’t want to find yourself sitting across from each other at the dinner table one day wondering why you ever got married to begin with. Create time and space to be friends who have fun together. Play music, cook dinner, read books, go running, take up a new sport, vacation, whatever it is; the investment of the time and effort is worth it. 

And finally, here is a bonus tip: 

Have Your Own Friends and Hobbies 

Just as he needs time to recharge, so do you. He can be your best friend and favorite activity partner, but he can’t be your sounding board for every subject in your life. You need to make time for your own creative pursuits, your health needs, spiritual disciplines and girlfriends. You will be stronger (and therefore, your marriage will be healthier) when you’ve had a chance to be alone, to connect with other women, to refuel yourself doing something you love, and then come back together. 

There are many needs that men have. Some are unique based on their personality, experiences and love needs while others are universal. Give him sex and respect; pray for him and encourage his friendships. Create space for hobbies you both enjoy, and then get away and make time for your own friends and pursuits. None of these ideas are new, or brilliant, but they will require your intentional effort. If you’re wondering if he is worth it, the answer is yes— every time. Try a few, and see what happens.

What men need part 4

4. Encourage His Friendships 

You can’t be his one and only friend; it isn’t fair to you, and it isn’t healthy for him. This needs to be more than just work relationships, but authentic friendships with men he enjoys leisure time with. He needs confidants who he can share hurts and fears with, and he needs mentors who are like fathers (especially if his father is gone) who can guide and direct him spiritually, relationally and vocationally.

This is something you cannot do for him, but you certainly can create space for these friendships to grow. And, you can hold off on the guilt trip when he wants to join friends after work for dinner, attend a sporting event, or join a club with guys from the neighborhood. If these men have wives and you can get in on the social time, great. But if not, don’t begrudgingly offer a Saturday afternoon to him so that he can play golf with his friends. Give him time and space to grow these relationships— you may just find yourself grateful for them in the future. 

What men need part 3

3. Pray for Him 

If you aren’t praying for your husband, you are not only missing out on an opportunity to grow in your love for him, but to also bless and serve him. This is something that can be done without any cost or time requirement; you can literally be doing this all throughout your day. 

Here are some ideas to get you started if you aren’t sure where to start: 

Pray for the man that he is: his career, physical health, friendships and spiritual growth. Lift up his relationships with his children and colleagues, as well as your marriage. Pray for his continued purity and ability to be the husband and father he wants to be. Believe for the man you know God wants him to be; the hardworking, family-oriented, healthy, courageous, kind, generous, joyful guy who understands his purpose and is fulfilling his calling. 

What men need part 2

For this week’s installment, here is the second thing men need in their marriage – and in their life!

2. Respect Him

There are few things as embarrassing as watching a woman speak down to her man. Verbally cutting him makes you look insecure, immature and foolish. Many men receive love through words of affirmation, so, using words to hurt him, especially after prolonged periods of time, can do irreparable damage.  

He is the leader and head of your home so treat him as such; use your words to respect him. There is almost always something that you can affirm him about: work ethic, humor, love for his family, leadership qualities, dashing good looks. Make a list. Find ways to share these qualities with him. Remind him of why you love him. No man is perfect, but you don’t need to remind him of what he lacks. The same way you want him to talk you up, not remind you of your imperfections.  

What men need part 1

Regardless of if your man’s Myers-Briggs results, or whether he prefers gifts or quality time, there are a few things that top the list of things women might not be doing for their husbands—and should be. I will list five total and will share one each week this month. The first one will not come as a surprise.

1. Sex 

The list begins here because every husband reading this article is scanning to find this three letter word. If you’re shocked to find it at the top, then chances are you should read it as “more sex.” You can Google all the studies you want about the average number of times couples are getting busy, but we aren’t digging into that data. There are plenty of books and articles about how God created men and wired them as sexual creatures, but again, we aren’t going there. The bottom line is that God created sex, and it’s your gift to enjoy with your spouse. 

However, if you need another reason why sex can never be left on the back burner of your relationship: it is one of the leading reasons that couples end up in therapy. One of the greatest things you can do for your husband (and your marriage) is to have regular, fulfilling sex with him. Get honest about what’s working and what’s not if you need to. Set some rules so that you’re both satisfied; get creative and have fun. 

Making your home secure for your kids

When you spoke your marriage vows to your spouse and committed yourself to loving and caring for that person for the rest of your life, you made a holy promise to your husband or wife, as well as to the Lord. You may not have realized then that you were also making a commitment to a few special people who weren’t even in the church that day—your children.

When fears and troubles threaten to overwhelm your sons and daughters, they will need to be able to hang on to the rock that is your marriage relationship. Security for children is rooted almost entirely in their parents. For the sake of your marriage and your children, you might want to adopt a Bill and Gloria Gaither tune, “We’ll Be There,” as the theme song for your family. The lyrics read, in part: “We’ll be there…when you need us to hold you tight…when…you’re scared of the dark…when you dream your first dreams…when you stand or you fall…when you go on a date, and you’re out too late, and you quietly slip up the stairs.…You can count on it. We’ll be there.”

As described in Scripture, the winds will blow and beat (Matthew 7:25) against the house that is your marriage. Yet if you keep your holy commitment and depend on the truth and power of God’s Word, your “house” will stand firm, providing a lasting haven for your family.

Have you ever not liked your spouse?

As much as I don’t like to admit it, I’m not always the easiest husband to like. My wife and I share many of the same interests but my attitude on certain matters can be a bit frustrating to my born planner wife. How does the couple deal with the days when differences lead to tensions? Simple. They embrace their differences. Here are some suggestions to do that:

Confess your struggle to God.

Complaining or pretending may be easier, but admitting our own need for help in our marriage allows us to see God working on our relationship. We have to humble ourselves first instead of immediately trying to “fix” our spouse.

Then, differentiate between personality differences, preferences, and sin.

The truth is that much of what frustrates us in marriage often boils down to our preferences in how someone should act. Just because they take a different approach doesn’t mean it’s the wrong approach. We have to examine our motivations. Consider adopting these “commandments” into your marriage:

Thou shalt serve one another. A good marriage practices mutual submission. Ephesians 5:21 commands us to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. It’s a 100/100 deal—each willing to surrender all to the other person. How are you at serving your spouse? Would they say you strive to serve them more everyday? Are you more the giver or the taker in the relationship? Be honest.

Thou shalt love unconditionally. Unconditionally means without conditions. I’ll love you if… is not the command. It’s I’ll love you even if not. God commands us to love our enemies. How much more should this commitment be strong within a marriage? Are you loving your spouse even with the flaws that you can see better than anyone else? Here’s a quick test: Does the way you communicate with your spouse indicate you have the highest regard for them—always?

Don’t stop believing

Okay, that was a shameless plug for a favorite song, but consider: Have you ever had a day when you just didn’t want to get out of bed? Even before the day had started you had a sense that it was going to be a no good, awful, simply terrible day. You had more month the money, your health has gone sideways or perhaps your marriage doesn’t have the spark you would like. These are times when it is important to dig deep into God and keep on believing. When everything around us seems to be spinning out of control, we can trust in God, who is always the same. “Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heart Psalm 119:89) .

Do you think your spouse is crazy?

Maybe you should look in the mirror first. Do you ever look around at your family tree and wonder? Do you ever look in the mirror and question yourself? Welcome to the human race. We’re all a little crazy. Who of us hasn’t struggled with some kind of addiction, some type of emotional disorder or some erratic behavior? Of course all of us fit into one or more of those categories. What should we do about it? Scripture tells us to forgive others as we want to be forgiven. The next time you’re tempted to judge someone (especially your spouse) for their behavior, remember what they might say if they knew about your shadow side. Be gracious to them and perhaps they’ll be gracious to you. 

A marriage that your children need

Granting love and attention to your kids goes a long way toward establishing a stable atmosphere at home. But the best way to foster security in young hearts and minds is to cultivate your relationship with your spouse. When children see, close-up, your ironclad commitment to each other—as well as your unshakable faith in Jesus Christ—they’ll begin to develop a sense of assurance about their own future that is likely to stay with them for the rest of their lives. How can you improve your marriage? Do your kids see you demonstrating love and respect for each other? Do they know what you are doing to make your marriage last?